Destabilizer

• Failed Discovery Channel pitches: Shart Week. #
• http://t.co/JxbAqdOP #

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• "I love this font they're using. I wonder what it is."

  *Checks WhatTheFont*

  "God dammit! It's just Futura." #

• Every time I'm on the iPhone I'm like, "I'll tap that." #
• Would. #

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• I'm in a cab and I swear it's the cab driver's first day. #

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• David Cross is sitting 50ft away from me eating dinner & my non-douchebag-fan principles dictate that I'm not allowed to do anything. Dammit #
• My dog won't eat gummy bears. What a dick. #
• You know what would be super cool?

  A blast freezer. #

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• News flash: KISS sucks. #
• GAME OF THRONES!!! #

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• @mgallivan also Rutledge Wood has all the gravitas of an 8th grader. He doesn't hold a candle to Jeremy Clarkson. in reply to mgallivan #
• Any time you walk into a bar that has more than 20 taps, don't order a lager. #
• To varying extremes, all authority is fake. #

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• @fmemoria will you get me one?? in reply to fmemoria #
• *PUNCH*

  "I guess you win by disqualification. You're the champ. Soak it up tomato-face." #

• American Top Gear is unbelievably horrible. The British version is so good and this is so bad. How did this happen. Embarrassing. #
• Went to Pacifico tonight. Service SUCKED. Hostess acted all indignant when we left a $6 tip on a $100 tab. Fuck them. #

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• Embrace mobile or watch it kill you. #
• @proulxsie elfa shelves or go home. in reply to proulxsie #
• There is only one god, and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: 'Not today'. #

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• "It's not a matter of being picky, it's about getting what you want." #

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• Fat people who smile too much.

  Dotcom. #

• Cowboys also wear skinny jeans you know. #
• The more people you love, the weaker you are.

  Winter is coming. #

• The biggest sticking point in my relationship is that my wife is a hillbilly. #
• Tyrian Lannister: baller status. #
• All men are made of water. Do you know this? If you pierce them, the water leaks out, and they die. #

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