Destabilizer

Twitter Updates for 2012-02-04

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:40:00 +0000

@keeltohellward http://t.co/qMzcsLje #
@fmemoria See you in North Carolina, hahaha. in reply to fmemoria #

Twitter Updates for 2012-02-03

admin — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:40:00 +0000

It would be way cooler if NYU stood for Not Your Underwear. #
Douche level: Critical. #
Anybody who thinks society should be sanitized for the sake of children can eat shit and die. #
Job-Fair Pro-Tip: Wearing a suit and tie does nothing for you when you smell like curry and B.O. You'd be better off dressed like a chef. #
@jensjonason It's what their tears are made of. in reply to jensjonason #
I would never have guessed how much easier it is to have a puppy that's physically incapable of jumping onto or off of things. #dogsitting #

Twitter Updates for 2012-02-02

admin — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:40:00 +0000

I have more animals than Noah. #
This is disgusting. Fuck religion: http://t.co/u4BUsH6Y #
Someone needs to take Mitt Romney on a windsurfing trip. #
Today is Rush Day: 2/1/12 http://t.co/rZ0B1UAj #
Its funny to me that iPads are considered "mobile" but laptops are not. I take my laptop everywhere. My iPad rarely leaves my couch. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-02-01

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:40:00 +0000

I hate Tom Waits. #
I LOVE COFFEEEEEEEEE #
Bacon Bits just aren't what they used to be. #
I wonder if I can expense and intern to do my expenses. #
It's nice when one of your favorite people has a run-in w/one of your lease favorite people & leaves w/the same bad impression. #vindication #
Does Mitt Romney really think he can beat Obama? I predict a lot of the Republican base will be staying home this year. #
http://t.co/fcodzvCj #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-31

admin — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

I tried to make a mixtape of my favorite Fugazi songs, then I realized it would be an 8-album-and-1-EP box-set. #
This is awesome–Brands as analyzed by a 5 year old: http://t.co/j4iXx7f4 "A cheetah. A cheetah. A cheetah." #
HBO GO is finally available for Time Warner Cable customers. I'll see everyone in in 4 months. #
I kind of despise design pedantry. Rules are great until you write them down. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-28

admin — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

@_ll_l @fmemoria "The goal is not to be better. The goal is to be MUCH better. Killers." in reply to _ll_l #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-27

admin — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

I wonder if the guys in Metallica ever go back & listen to their old albums & feel ashamed of what they've become. #
This is why I do my job: http://t.co/2GcmoFY2 #
@keeltohellward Zip plz? in reply to keeltohellward #
@appleshampooID It's weak. Sounds like my dad & his friends spent a million dollars to make the kind of record they think kids listen to. in reply to appleshampooID #
Are the Republicans still debating? I thought we'd already decided as a country that none of them have a snowball's chance in hell. #
Remember when The Phantom Menace first came out & everyone said it would have been a masterpiece if only it were in 3D? Dreams do come true! #
@keeltohellward Oh … I already have that album. I remember Wes posting about it way back when. Such a great name for a band. in reply to keeltohellward #
@motleycrujones In the tiny format, you vaguely resemble HST, so it's not all bad. in reply to motleycrujones #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-26

admin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

@proulxsie Mine too. Being awesome is demanding work. in reply to proulxsie #
I've fallen OFF my bike plenty of times, but last night I stumbled over a bag of laundry in my hallway & fell ON my bike. #NextLevel #
Go to school; get a job; get married; have kids; die. Being such a beautiful & unique snowflake must be exhausting. #
Serious KBBQ hankering. Gonna have to trek out to Queens soon. #
If you can find something that does 80% of what you need theres no point starting from scratch. Good designers borrow; great designers steal #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-25

admin — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

My favorite Italian crossover food is Vladimir Puttanesca. #
It's weird when Facebook suggests I become friends with people who I know to be deceased. #
Newt Gingrich is a fucking scumbag. #
Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Finger-bang an orangutan, you can do it too! #
If you looked at Mitt Romney's balls, you'd see Barack Obama. Take that to mean what you will … #
Typical. #
I'm single for at least the next 7 hours … Ladies. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-24

admin — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel. #
Huge now has it's own private bathrooms for the first time. Right in the middle of the office. I wonder if anyone has or will poop in them. #
VERMIN SUPREME #
Fuck Joe Paterno.
And fuck you if you think he's some kind of hero.
#DeservesToBeDead #
I was stoked when I found out HUGE is #9 on the Ad Age Agency A-List. Then I saw RazorFish is #4 which makes the whole thing questionable. #
@bryanle Rollovers on mobile usually work as 2 click events. Tap to see hover, tap again to follow link. Depends on implementation, obv. in reply to bryanle #
Wait … People actually go giraffe hunting? That sounds about as challenging & rewarding as shooting seagulls at the dump with a shotgun. #
Whenever I hear ppl talk about going to grad school I just hear them talking about student loan debt, then I cackle to myself like a sultan. #
@Neilofsteel I saw Heidi Klum in person once. Even while she was super pregnant: Would. in reply to Neilofsteel #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-23

admin — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

The entertainment industry is to the Internet what horse buggy manufactures were to Henry Ford. #
The last few days have made me acutely aware that I work for a cult. Or maybe it's a gang. Whatever. #HugePride #
One half of my prediction has come true. #GoGiants #
Prediction confirmed. Giants are the underdogs. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-22

admin — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

I predict the Superbowl will be played between the Giants and the Patriots. #
Saturday's forecast: Ice pellets. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-21

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Whoa … Etta James died. I had no idea she was still alive. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-20

admin — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

When things are slow, I can sleep 12 hours a night, easy. When I have shit to do, 4 is plenty. #UpSince530 #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-19

admin — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Reddit being blacked out in opposition to SOPA/PIPA today means my productivity should skyrocket. #
Systems Overload. #
With all these major sites blacking out their content to protest SOPA, how is Google+ going to keep its edge? #
If SOPA/PIPA were to pass, my new favorite website would be 194.71.107.15 <– that's why shit like this will never work as intended. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-18

admin — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

I can't wait fo Zooey Deschanel to stop being famous. Chick is annoying. #
I watched Troll 2 last night. It's like they set out to make a 90 minute movie that seemed to take 3 hours. #
Steve Carell is playing a magician named Burt Wonderstone –> http://t.co/9osBoMnn Aaaahmazing …
http://t.co/TkAVgpHf #
It just really dawned on me that I'm going to Indiana on Friday. What on earth was I thinking when I said yes to this? #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-16

admin — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

So … Seriously … Nobody actually thought the Broncos had a chance, right? That Patriots game was a massacre. #
This year it has snowed in Seattle before it has snowed in New York City. End times. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-15

admin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

i.TV is an awesome app. It wouldn't be if it weren't able to sync w/my TiVo, but it does, so score. #
Next year I kinda want to get a Christmas tree just so I can put this ornament on it: http://t.co/Aa3ZjSyp #
You'll know you've "made it" the day you say, "Cancel all my meetings!" & there's actually someone there who's job it is to do so. #
I wonder how much less time it takes to read "&" instead of "and." Also, why doesnt "or" have its own alternative thing? English is stupid. #
Kc just licked a metro card. Call my lawyer to draft the divorce papers. #
A gang of teenagers with AK47s came in the night. They raped the women & killed everyone. Then they burned my village. #ThirdWorldProblems #
All of my children are starving & severely ill, but there is little food & no adequate medical facilities nearby. #ThirdWorldProblems #
My wife inadvertently exposed a bit of her ankle while walking home from the market. She was publicly beheaded. #ThirdWorldProblems #
My youngest son died from dissintary. #ThirdWorldProblems #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-14

admin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

What if there was a board game called Hungry Hungry Poontangs? #
If sex with 3 people is called a threesome & sex with 2 people is called a twosome, you should understand why they call me handsome. #
Today I learned FPO means For Publishing Online. #
Sometimes you just wish a person would spontaneously catch fire & die suffering. #
The word vinegar is kinda racist. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-13

admin — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Alec Baldwin holding contract NBC muahahahahHa. Google plus. #
5 hour energy is a recession drug. Look at how many commercials on tv are for speed right now. Real talk. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-12

admin — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Coffee shouldn't taste like paint. #
Suedehead #
I literally just cranked for ~6 hours on a presentation & finished literally 60 seconds before I had to present it. I don't recommend this. #
Imagine what cornrows on your nuts would look like. #
@Megan_Man Not bad, eh? I love it when a plan comes together. in reply to Megan_Man #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-11

admin — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Drinkwell pills are legit. Go ahead and get shit faced, hangovers are a thing of the past. #
Some days I'm all like, "Daaaamn." #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-10

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

How the fuck does the keyboard on a laptop not work?!? What the fuck?!? #
I'm pretty sure ATDI is only reuniting because Mars Volta was too pretentious to succeed & Sparta just plain sucked dicks. #
Rooting for the NY Giants is way easier than rooting for the Seahawks. And honestly, fuck the Seahawks. #
My biggest fear during winter is that while I'm walking down the street someone will see my farts. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-07

admin — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Santorum: the frothy mixture of lube & fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. http://t.co/gL85aSK4 (just doing my part) #
Seems to me the best way to transport large quantities of cocaine would be inside cat taxidermy. #
Em eye ess ess eye ess ess eye pee pee eye. #
Against Me! was a great band. Was. #
"That guy was from Sweden. What a dick." #
"Hi there. Wanna play rape fantasy?"
"No!"

"… Excellent." #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-06

admin — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Apparently this is what the HIV virus looks like: http://t.co/nT1w1sRB I wonder if I could get someone to knit one for me. #
@bobbypadavick Seattle has great beer, great food and great music. That's mostly because the weather sucks & everyone has to stay inside. in reply to bobbypadavick #
Tylerrrrrr the Creatorrrrrr mother fuckerrrrrrr. #
Money in my pocket, money in my drawls, money in my safe, bitch, money in the walls. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-05

admin — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

NBC's Work It sounds so unbelievably bad that now I HAVE to watch it. #
Massive Attack has the most misleading name in all of music. #
Iowa: Gay marriage legal in 2009. Santorum takes Iowa Caucus in 2012. Conclusion: Iowa loves buttfucking, wants Santorum full of corn. #
@fixpert http://t.co/AX04IhTz #
Girrrl. You look hella fine standing next to that super fat chick. #
#WinterOfTerribleMovies – This week: The Mechanic, Ski Patrol, Crash Course. Ray Walston is my hero. #
Maybe it's just me, but the idea of having your home phone number printed in a book that's given to everyone, sounds insane. #
Maybe it's just me, but the idea of having your home phone number printed in a book that's given to everyone sounds insane. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-04

admin — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

3 words worry me more than any others: Associate Project Manager. Because ACTING like you know what you're doing is just as good as knowing. #
Getting fat is so easy. Getting skinny sucks. Fucking eggnog & ice cream & cake & cookies & chocolate & … December. #
@karlstanton I lost 25 pounds with the LoseIt app, like, 10 months ago. Works like a champ, though eating is still preferable to not eating. in reply to karlstanton #
Why doesn't the twitter app still translate!?! #
Gary Busey is the worlds greatest troll. #
Gary Busey just introduced Ted Haggard's wife to a shaman named Indian Bob. For real. #
I have something like 400 channels and the most compelling thing on my TiVo right now is literally a show about ice melting. #

Twitter Updates for 2012-01-02

admin — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Taking a week off is an awesome idea. I should do it more frequently. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-31

admin — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Damn holiday season. Damn Tony Horton. Dammit. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-30

admin — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

TV Tropes is worse than crack. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-29

admin — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I'm on bar 400 of a pub crawl called Life. #
How the hell are only the sleeves of the shirt I wore last night wet? Drinking whiskey in public is a bad idea. #
How did I never put together that @mllndllrmtt was in The Explosion? Damn #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-28

admin — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Time to start working out again. Shit … #
I'm pretty sure I've gained 10 pounds in the last week and a half. Damn pastry season. #
http://t.co/MvGMYLzf obviously knows the number 1 way to do original content on the internet. #
Ok, fine. I hate Jay Z. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-27

admin — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Had today off. Not sure what to do w/myself, I got out some screwdrivers & started fixing shit. Not that leaky faucet though. Fuck plumbing. #
The Chinese really are taking over everything. Including my entire holiday diet: http://t.co/2QRdW7Ss #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-26

admin — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Eggnog is the kinkiest of the dairy products. #
"Gross! This bong is covered in cinnamon roll icing. How perfect." #
I'm spending the day writing the screenplay for my new holiday classic; "Puking Eggnog." #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-24

admin — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Opinions are like assholes. And assholes always have opinions. Asshole recursion. #prolapse #
Study level: Asian — http://t.co/YQGP3gns #
There's a huge difference between convincing corporate executives that you can build great websites, and actually building great websites. #
I just realized Josh Brolin is the older brother in Goonies. Wow. #
@visualgarbage That's a distribution charge right there, son. in reply to visualgarbage #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-23

admin — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

That snowflake video scrubber looks like shit, YouTube. #
@proulxsie A Michael Buble is a sexual act during which one man motorboats another man's balls. in reply to proulxsie #
@kelseyleah_ You can do side-bends or situps …. in reply to kelseyleah_ #
Seriously jocking Thee Oh Sees right now. http://t.co/mVw7uGev #
My current favorite commercial will really blow your hair back: http://t.co/YaJD7M44 #
@kelseyleah_ that was a sir mix a lot reference to not losing that butt. in reply to kelseyleah_ #
Eat it Power Point. I own you. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-22

admin — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

The best part of ignoring Christmas is when you realize your family still celebrates it & then you're like "OH SHIT I BETTER BUY PRESENTS." #
It really is the thought that counts. Mine are usually along the lines of, "If I don't do this, I'll never hear the end of it." #
"Can you do 4 days of work in 2 days?"
"Is there a choice?"

"I scheduled you for 35 random meetings over the next 2 days also."

ಠ_ಠ #
I never answer my office phone because anyone worth talking to knows my cell number. #
"It's funny how the only women they can get to be in these commercials can't act."
"They're strippers!" #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-21

admin — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Being a successful rapper pretty much just means making lists of things you could rent and put in videos, but never actually buy. #
"This is why I hate Christmas; 'Hey, wanna exchange wasted money!?' It's stupid." #
"Yr little shopping spree just annoyed me!"
"What? I bought my family Xmas presents."

"Yeah, but you involved me & that pissed me off!" #
Saw John Waters tonight. It was awesome. #
@proulxsie http://t.co/PeKiEPlF #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-20

admin — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Why doesn't life ever give you limes? #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-19

admin — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I love how Jimmy Fallon hosts SNL w/cameos from Tina Fey & Amy Pohler, like they all don't work in the same building. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-17

admin — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Oh, I get it. Path is just a first-to-market version of Facebook's Timeline, done by a bunch of people who used to work at Facebook. Weak. #
Kill people, burn shit, fuck school. #
Tyler the Creater would be a lot cooler if he created songs that are good. #
Facebook's Timeline is pretty fuckin sick. There are great ideas in there & it's refreshing to see a big company that has equally big balls. #
Facebook has made the critical mistake of assuming that since you were born in a place, that it's your home town. It's not. #
After playing around with timeline, I'm realizing there are a LOT of bad UX decisions. Your map is a clusterfuck. #
Bad user interface happens everywhere: http://t.co/xTxsrAZd #
If you were to be like, "Josh, why is Trader Joes food so cheap?" I'd be like, "Because flavor costs money." #
By signing http://t.co/xN4OonSX petitions I've accomplished a lot: Like learning the specifics of why Obama doesn't give a shit what I think #
You too can go to http://t.co/aeKMM5n8 to receive a specifically tailored email explaining why the thing *you* support is dumb! #
Strategy + Brute force: #KillerCombinations #
A serious hillbilly documentary. Radical middlebrow. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-16

admin — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@fixpert http://t.co/0LzZZml1 #
"Damn son, where'd you find this!?" #
Grump dump. #
If I were a UFC fighter I would walk out to the theme from Sanford and Son: http://t.co/Ru6UVKhe #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-15

admin — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Thank goodness for uncharacteristically slow days. Life is good. #
"Do you like Foster The People?"
"…uh, no."

"You have such terrible taste in music."

ಠ_ಠ #
Saying Foster The People is your favorite band is like saying rice is your favorite food. #RockBland #
The ears are the labias of the head. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-14

admin — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@louisck Pirating in a nutshell: people who fuck people over get fucked over. People who are kind get treated fairly. Mostly. in reply to louisck #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-13

admin — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Foster the People should tour with Kings of Leon and someone should tell Al Qaida that they both talked shit about mohammed. #
@visualgarbage My favorite part of winter riding is when my wet hair freezes half way to the office. in reply to visualgarbage #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-11

admin — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@amarides WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT????? in reply to amarides #
Went to the Guggenheim. Had idea for classiest tramp stamp ever: Kandinsky's "Painting With White Border", but with the white parts empty. #
Key takeaway: Pentagram comet. #
The neighbors upstairs must have been on the honor roll at Michael Flatley's, School of College Motherfuckery, because CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP. #
"You're jocks. Go live in the gym." #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-10

admin — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

What sick bastard schedules morning meetings the day after a 12 pub bar crawl???? #SweatingBooze #
The H in HUGE stands for hangover. The other letters probably stand for stuff too, but fuck it. #occupy12pubs #
Pro Tip: You can pretty much always figure out a way to get someone else to buy you lunch. #
@proulxsie Nah brah. Woulda bought you beers last night though. You lose. #HULKSMASH in reply to proulxsie #
The 80's were a great time for saxophone players. #
The world would be way different if Jimi Hendrix was born 20 years later and decided to play keytar … #
"Rock of Gibraltar, my pinky joint, killer like Orca." #
Entitled twenty-something's: Get fucked. #
Graveyards are stupid. They're just storage space for dead bodies. WTF? #
Election prediction: Oct 2012 tape leaked of Osama getting 86ed. Ppl act offended but are mostly like "Yeah fuck that guy." Obama reelected. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-09

admin — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@visualgarbage I just watched Dutch like 2 weeks ago. Great terrible movie. in reply to visualgarbage #
@proulxsie where the fuck are you!?!? #occupy12pubs #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-08

admin — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

An old trick. Lure the customer w/something great, then, right when they've made it part of their routine, make it shittier. #PromotedTweets #
PMs art directing Jr designers. How cute. #
You know something is wrong when you keep getting a car-service's hold music stuck in your head. #
Path is all hype. #
If you want a glimpse into the deepest recesses of corporate culture check out a capabilities document put together by a credit card company #
Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-07

admin — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@fixpert I've heard that captcha only uses one of the words for validation. Punctuation & odd characters give away the decoy. in reply to fixpert #
Stop Internet #Censorship Sign the global petition urging the US Congress to reject the #Blacklist Bill #SOPA http://t.co/0tsAjEGk #
I just realized The New Bomb Turks kinda sound like The Gits. #
@fmemoria I happily use excel due to my own personal policy of harnessing the elements of darkness to increase my powers. in reply to fmemoria #
The big problem w/Amazon wish-lists is that there's no incentive to keep them updated. And my family exchanges gifts no one actually wants. #
Over the weekend I made iTunes stream into my bathroom. Best thing in a long time. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-06

admin — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

"Me? Oh, I work in QA at a brothel." #
I saw The Town last night. Pretty sure it's a movie about Matt Damon & Ben Affleck–Ben Affleck plays Matt Damon & Matt Damon isn't in it. #
Death Grips: http://t.co/8Ezl2djU #
@fmemoria I'm gonna drop 14 vacation days at the end of the month. New Year's resolution: Actually go on vacation sometime. in reply to fmemoria #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-03

admin — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Upgrading the RAM on a Mac Mini has about the same level of difficulty and margin for error as a do-it-yourself vasectomy. #
Ram upgrade complete. My computer feels like it did before, but it tastes applier. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-02

admin — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Being Mitt Romney must be awesome–Knowing you're going to be the nominee, and that even your own party thinks you can't beat Obama. #
@proulxsie howtospellurlscorrect.ly in reply to proulxsie #
If my parent's had named me Duke, I'm not sure how I'd feel about people saying, "You're the shit!" #
Protip: It's always a good idea to make employee ID's for rarely accessed systems an impossible to remember 10 digit number. #not #
So Charlie Sheen's dead. Looks like he chose the Sonny Bono route rather than the more predictable Heath Ledger option. #
For Halloween, a girl I went to high school with went as–I shit you not–Sexy Harry Potter. #
@neiltyson as radio waves travel through both air and space, shouldn't the term just be, "On." in reply to neiltyson #

Twitter Updates for 2011-12-01

admin — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Current status: http://t.co/4npXtm6V #
If I can skip the ad in 5 seconds, why don't you just make the fucking ad 5 seconds long? #
Few things are as enchanting as Mac 'n Cheese w/hotdogs in it. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-30

admin — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

As much as I hate doing design annotations, it's a brutally effective way of making you honest about how inconsistent your shit is. #
Bummed about Patrice O'Neal. Comedians don't live the healthiest of lives, apparently. #
When finding a doctor on ZocDoc I like to think of it as a game show called, "Who's Going To Touch My Balls?" #
"It's not a waste of time! I'm reading my Facebook feed … Yeah. Ok … … I'm gonna tweet that." #
Work is long when you're wearing a thong. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-29

admin — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Chicks with face tattoos. Fascinating. #
Every morning, as I get out of the shower, I think, "Fuck it. I'm shaving my head right now."
You know … Cuz I'm an outspoken racist. #
User workflow diagrams are to creative motivation as farts are to foreplay. #
Whenever I see a blog-looking website, I'm like, "Ooh, ooh! Is it going to scroll forever?" Then when it doesn't I'm like, "Pfft. Amateurs." #
@mllndllrmtt Only if both dudes drag their feet on the carpet first. in reply to mllndllrmtt #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-28

admin — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I threw my shoulder out so bad yesterday when I TOSSED A TENNIS BALL FOR A 7 POUND DOG. Time to kill myself. #
The Fugazi songwriting formula: 2 riffs is enough for a song, as long as no one in the band plays the same 2 riffs. #
@atsealvl How the eff did you manage that? in reply to atsealvl #
@atsealvl God dammit. If you take me as your date I'll totally put out. in reply to atsealvl #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-27

admin — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I'm super into Kristen Wiig. And she sort of worked with my GF when we lived in LA. Dammit. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-26

admin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Sometimes your parent's email forwards are actually funny. http://t.co/HnpkcgiF #
We're only one day into the holiday season and I already feel like I need to do a thousand sit ups. #
Why the hell does anyone go shopping today? "Yes, I would like to get elbowed in the face while trying to save 10% on children's toys." #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-25

admin — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Fuck Nickelback. #
Baby, you're the cloaca of my twitterverse. #
Drinking champagne, watching football. #America #
Robocop #
Thanksgiving dinner? Korean BBQ. #
I fucking hate The Doors. #
Jars as cups!?! Totally punk. #
You'll never hear anyone say, "Garbage is my favorite band." #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-24

admin — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I love the software trend of saying Sunsetting instead of Discontinuing.
"Grandma sunsetted last week. She had a happy life." #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-23

admin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Put two tiny dogs together and suddenly, in their own minds, they become the toughest, most ruthless street gang ever. #BarkAtEverythingCrew #
Ay Oooh! Maggots! #
I'm pretty sure #Workaholics should just be called @UncleBlazer And Some Other Chumps. in reply to UncleBlazer #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-22

admin — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I wonder if Kc will get pissed if I eat the whole bowl of egg salad she made last night. #
Surprisingly pleasant CS encounter with @DenonUS. A quick phone call and my receiver works like a champ again. #
@junethomas http://t.co/rJqdqdLI in reply to junethomas #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-19

admin — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Nothing tells the world, "I'm gay!," like cum on a mustache. #
Too far? #
@gene BOOM. in reply to gene #
Shouldn't a wheel chair be the most comfortable chair? #
Holidays totally make sense on the east coast. #Seasons #
Gnarly wine. #
@cyrusk Growing up, their timing seemed arbitrary. No more. in reply to cyrusk #
Foot rubs are just hand jobs, for the ladies. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-18

admin — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

#OrganizeEverythingProject – Cleaned out email. Set up new Outlook rules. It's a well oiled machine. I feel like the president. #
Listening to old people talk is sometimes harder than listening to drunk people talk. #
Chicks who like dudes with big dicks are only compensating for their super deep vaginas. #KeepTellingYourselfThat #
#ThoseThreeWords It looks infected #
I'm a huge John Reis fan, but dude, when you're playing in a band with Sonny Vincent, don't sing. Sonny's on a whole different level. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-17

admin — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

The whole fuckin' world is set in Gotham. #
"Hi. I'm a recruiter you've never met. Could you recommend someone for this absolutely miserably sounding job?"
"No." #
Sometimes the things you think are really smart are actually just successful accidents. #
The one thing Myspace is supposed to be good for—Bands—and they can't even get their music player to work. Crushing Failure. #
Wow. I haven't looked at Myspace in ages. It's like they've purposely tried to make it as complicated and hard to navigate as possible. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-16

admin — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Fugazi as loud as possible. #
If you're thinking to yourself, "Self. I want to buy an application that is worth every penny," well, 'A Better Finder Rename' is that app. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-15

admin — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

It'd be hella cool if there was a Burger King right by my work. #
When you really think about it, a hamburger is a really weird sandwich. #
Hell is other people's unorganized Photoshop files. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. #
Overheard at Adobe HQ: "No No. You don't ge it. Illustrator will have art boards & Photoshop will have Layer Comps. It makes perfect sense." #
The best part about getting home after work is shamelessly picking your nose. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-12

admin — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

"Please, my dear, kick me with your leather boots." http://t.co/JA6n5LXR #
Any person rioting in support of Joe Paterno is an epic sack of shit. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-10

admin — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Damn. Seattle overturned some of their Blue laws. Nice. #
LET'S GET ZOOED OUT! #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-09

admin — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Rolling Stone's Top 100 Guitar Songs of All Time is 95% garbage. #
@gretchmo http://t.co/1hfqGgVk OR http://t.co/hS24j6uo in reply to gretchmo #
Rolling Stone's Top 100 Guitar songs lists CCR's Born on the Bayou, but not Fortunate Son or even Suzie Q. Fucking DUMB. #
My dad sent a machete to my office because it's my birthday. #
Only posts flattering head shots. Secretly a fat chick. #
Our generation is so impersonal and so lazy that we can now send each other text messages using only our voice. #
My dad gives good birthday presents. http://t.co/IP5PnYcp #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-08

admin — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I LOVE COFFEEEEEEEEEEEE #
The only excuse for riding a tandem bike: http://t.co/lgXuUjUH #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-07

admin — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

The ideal state of Siri is awesome. However, Siri is not ideal. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-06

admin — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Starting a surf rock band. Learned to play Pipeline in about 3 minutes. It's so easy, I don't know why I did t learn to play it sooner. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-05

admin — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Morty Chan & the Undertakers. #
In preparation for a night of drinking, I only ate 2 handfulls of crackers all day. And my mom says I'm not frugal. PSHHHHH. #
I finally watched that Bj Penn/Nick Diaz fight last night. GSP is for sure gonna have his work cut out of him. #StocktonSlap #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-04

admin — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

If you find something you love, & make it your job, you wont work a day in your life. False. You'll work constantly & wont have any hobbies. #
If you find a job you hate that makes you rich, you'll go through life miserably and never have time to enjoy the things you love. #
I'm sort of convinced that train-hopping hobos have it all figured out. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-03

admin — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Make money. Buy shit. Die. #
I went to art school to be a designer, but here I am 10 years later managing inane feedback in an Excel spreadsheet. #ItsCalledWorkNotFun #
#Oakland #GeneralStrike YESSSSSSSS. #
"Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. I like him just fine. But he's a mouth breather." #
Fall in New York. #Winning #
Layaway's back. Welcome to 1985. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-02

admin — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

It's like the refrigerator gods put that can of coconut water in there knowing I would come to work 1,000% hung over. #
@ADRN3000 I'm back on 3 now. It's morning again in America. in reply to ADRN3000 #
This is super cool: http://t.co/18b230wd #
These: http://t.co/XojsvLgx — Horribly uncomfortable
These: http://t.co/s40yyQSf — Beautiful #
"Sampledelic" is not a music genre. You just made that up. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-11-01

admin — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@Neilofsteel Size-8-Hat-Crew, represent. in reply to Neilofsteel #
My entire job can be summed up thusly: I'm here to make sure you can use the web by barely moving your hands. #
Wait, Kim Kardashian is single again? I still have a chance … #
Lagunitas Brewery for the win. Lucky 13 is TITS. #
Siri is awesome. #
I never realized this until recently, but Bon Scott AC/DC is waaaaaayyy better than Brian Johnson AC/DC. Damn. #
Karma is real. I hope. #
Best costume (by far) prize goes to: http://t.co/dV0HUSvp #
@proulxsie it's Give Up The Ghost. Ok?! Jeeze. He has one hand! #
Watching Fight Club. Fuck the world. #
This is one of the best movies ever. A treatise against the bullshit of modern existence. The movie was better than the book. #FightClub #
Maybe not giving a shit & dying young is the way to go. Maybe you enjoy yourself & dont give a fuck. Endgame is the same regardless. Fuck it #
"I want you to hit me as hard as you can." #
You give a shit about Halloween.
Fuck you. #
Yo mama, yo daddy, yo sista's a ho. #
"You don't know where I've been Lou! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN HAHAHAHAHA!" #
"Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives … #
… We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't … #
We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." #
Now let's watch BJ Penn lose to Nick Diaz. #TheOnlySport #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-31

admin — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Tomorrow I finally escape the gulag I've been banished to for the last 6 months, and return to the land of milk and honey. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-30

admin — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

The best way to tell you're looking at Avant Garde is the spoon in the letter 'e'. It can't be unseen. #
What kind of asshole is like, "I could give this kid a free heart transplant, but lets see if enough people on Facebook give a shit first." #
Yeah … So 2 weeks ago it was 70º and right now it's snowing. #
If I were a porn star, I'd call myself Stevie Ray Dong, and I'd refer to my balls as Double Trouble. #
I love Slate, but fuck if the most recent redesign isn't god-fucking-awful. "HEY! Everything matters but the content! Wanna share this!?!" #
If I had my own fragrance, I'd name it what it smelled like: Pussy & Money. #
Pro tip: When yr totally exhausted & need to keep going, turn on the tv & take a nap on the floor. You can't help but wake up w/in an hour. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-29

admin — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@keeltohellward I havent read them in years, but no one has topped Buddyhead's music reviews. in reply to keeltohellward #
I'm so fried at this point that I cant differentiate between the words utter and udder. #
CSS3: Now YOU can put a single pixel drop-shadow on every fucking character you type. #
Have you thought about how OJ Simpson is in prison recently? Awesome. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-28

admin — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

If you aint down with #OWS you're part of the problem. Get fucked. #
Homepage takeover ads are incredibly stupid.
"hi. here's our prima … THIS OTHER THING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING HERE." #
All this talk about baseball totally drives home how much I don't give a flying fuck about baseball. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-27

admin — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

James Hetfield has always been an epic dickface. #
I like to check all my favorite websites before I head to work & sit at a computer for 10 hours. #
"This message from AT&T is to remind you about the cellphone you ordered an eternity ago and still wont get for an eternity." #
I apologies in advance for the sea of retweets I'm about to post, but I agree with them 100%. #
To me, marriage is just a long term bet that, on a sliding scale, your partner will stay more Slave Leia than Jabba the Hut. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-26

admin — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Typical Chazz. #
@gene http://t.co/vakJBIte in reply to gene #
Listen to Immortal. Crush shit. #
My thoughts are a tangled mess today. #
@marceloeduardo file that quote under, "artifact of lab environment" and disregard. in reply to marceloeduardo #
Do or die, there is no Try. #
@appleshampooID hipmunk.com is the future. in reply to appleshampooID #
Fat people: http://t.co/2xpl0RtG #
@fmemoria Dude knew how to curate a legacy: http://t.co/tOC5jWTf Beautiful. in reply to fmemoria #
Took dog for walk. Found year-old dog bag in jacket. When dog shit, garbage truck drove by. Threw dog shit in back of truck. LIKE A BOSS. #
Fedor was way cooler when he didn't lose all the time. #
Workaholics is the best show on television. #RealTalk #
Why do they call it the death 'penalty' when you're really getting thrown out of the whole game? #
@moonpolysoft @KS_65 I never wear rubbers, if I get aids fuck it in reply to KS_65 #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-25

admin — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

One minute on the internet is A FUCKING ETERNITY. I'm looking at you, pre-roll ads. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-23

admin — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Radiohead is my generation's U2. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-22

admin — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I slept for almost 13 hours last night. It was glorious. #
I love making websites. I do not love development documentation. #
@Neilofsteel http://t.co/LIAro5XN in reply to Neilofsteel #
Yes. Yes I am listening to Gomorrah's Season Ends. And? … #
The best part of getting old is throwing your back out while sleeping. #
@tgtg but … I sleep in a hammock. in reply to tgtg #
Bullshit walks. #
God is perfect. Man is not. Man made beer. God made pot. #
Life is nothing more than a huge waste of time. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-21

admin — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I might be totally convinced that unconstrained meta-tagging as a primary taxonomic construct often does more harm than good. #nerdery #
@mllndllrmtt a big, spicy, reddish bowel movement that's making you sweat? Gross. in reply to mllndllrmtt #
… And here I thought it was Wednesday. #
Today I learned every rounded sans-serif font started from, & looks identical to, Akzindenz-Grotesk. Relax & use Helvetica (rounded). #
More like Moammar KilledOffey, AMIRITE? #
WHY THE HELL IS SHANICE ON MY IPOD? #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-20

admin — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

"I can out-think, out-drink, out-fuck you all, so fuck your bullshit femi-nazi crap, no needle-dick's gonna silence me. I fuck to cum." #
Coffee & Propagandhi feelings. #
Why the fuck doesn't Delicious let you sort by "Most saved." Why doesn't it do that by default? How *are* search results ordered? Retarded. #
When I click "unsubscribe" on your insipid email bullshit, don't take me to a page with a million options. Just unsubscribe me & fuck off. #
I'd be horribly embarrassed if I was responsible for the abortion that is the AT&T website. An inconsistent, hardly-usable piece of shit. #
On the phone with AT&T:
Her: I'm sorry sir. We're having technical problems with our phones.

Me: At AT&T? Aren't you a phone company? #
Should have switched to Verizon. Ugh. #
You're dating a hipster. Your argument is invalid. #
@appleshampooID They might be throttling you if you're a heavy user & you go over some threshold. Telecom companies are run by assholes. in reply to appleshampooID #
@appleshampooID "Unlimited" means nothing WRT speed. Their official response reeks of corpspeak bullshit, too. in reply to appleshampooID #
Right now I am doing one of the dumbest things I've ever been asked to do. #
Today I am reminded of Seattle; My pants are finally dry from the knees down, & it's time to go back in the rain to walk home. #
Malaria would be such a great name for a baby girl. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-19

admin — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

@Neilofsteel http://t.co/j7OdjbRz #
It's kinda weird that they brought back Last Comic Standing, but called it the GOP Debate. #
I wish Taco Bell delivered. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-18

admin — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

After years of listening to it, Soundtrack to the Personal Revolution is still such a crushing record. #
End up dead. #
Radios appear. #
I love the internet: http://t.co/lA2Nj6Uk #
It would have been awesome if Welcome To The Plague Year had put out more records. #
@ADRN3000 Have you ever ridden the Coney Island Cyclone? It's a rollercoaster that tries to murder you. in reply to ADRN3000 #
I'm making a documentary film. It's called "The Inventor of Titty-Fucking: A Visionary and a Fool". #
#OrganizeEverythingProject — Closet and dresser complete. Music collection ongoing. #
@marceloeduardo Sailing Fucks. in reply to marceloeduardo #
I just realized there's a whole generation of kids out there who don't realize Bad Religion used to be a decent band. #
Wow. Kc & my parents take us exactly as seriously as I thought. Amazing. It's like they have conferences where they establish a party line. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-17

admin — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Saw Drive last night. Not at all what I was expecting. Pretty good. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-16

admin — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

It'd be really funny to see Apollo Ono get punched in the face. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-15

admin — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

#SummerOfTerribleMovies Crank 2; High Voltage. I can't believe they actually made that movie. #
Nightmare Before Christmas sucked. #
"I like power, aint a damn thing funny. I like pussy and money." #
@atsealvl Subways and busses are limousines for the proletariat. in reply to atsealvl #
If your primary job is being a comedian and your entire twitter profile is full of insipid @ replies; get fucked. #
@cyrusk that was the best backhanded plug I've seen in a long time. in reply to cyrusk #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-14

admin — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

One program stalling out? No problem. Just tab through all the rest of them. #
@TOTALFUNERAL Bullshit. Repeater is a perfect record. in reply to TOTALFUNERAL #
@gretchmo That looks like a ghost bike. It means someone on a bicycle was killed there. in reply to gretchmo #
Sucklord is a dick face. #
@proulxsie you weren't even around when photos were out of scope. in reply to proulxsie #
Form fields are what pay for the Internet. #
Twitter is best viewed on the iPad. #KillerApp #
Establishment response to #occcupywallstreet says more than the protesters need to. Invest heavily in the firehose & rubber bullet markets #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-13

admin — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

Being an apt manager, but not the superintendant, must be nice. Like being a project manager without actually doing a god damned thing. #
Gimme gimme cold coffee … Actually, don't. #
Dating an interior designer has its perks, but I'm beginning to think I need to have an affair with a tailor. #
Having a well curated music collection is awesome. Who knew I owned this much Grind? #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-12

admin — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

I'm starting to think of new years resolutions. Like; Develop a Mystique. #
@Neilofsteel The trick with post-hardcore is just to label anything you don't like as emo. Drive Like Jehu: Post-Hardcore. Boysetsfire: Emo. #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-11

admin — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

The best thing about Columbus Day is that it's the easiest way for me to remember my dad's birthday. #
What? Does At the Drive-In really qualify as a post-hardcore band? #
It turns out my favorite genre is Melodic Death Metal. Because I like a little romance while I'm burning down churches. #
Atari Teenage Riot: File under "Delete". #
My favorite new genre: "Avant Garde; Experimental". It's code for "Unlistenable shit". #
@Neilofsteel I keep telling myself, "It's not about whether or not the band is good. Objectively, what genre is it in?" It's sort of working in reply to Neilofsteel #
@gretchmo @kasinator says those are awesome. in reply to gretchmo #

Twitter Updates for 2011-10-10

admin — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 17:40:00 +0000

#OrganizeEverything Project: Clean up the genre and grouping tags on all of my mp3s. #
Who knew that spending a day or two noodling with the meta tags on mp3s could be so life altering. #OrganizeEverything #